


Cursed Love

by PrinceH (amOrrtenttia)



Category: Shaman King (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Open Ending, anime ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 09:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16720437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amOrrtenttia/pseuds/PrinceH
Summary: Hao Asakura's thoughts one night before the final battle....





	Cursed Love

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Amor Maldito](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16562270) by [amOrrtenttia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amOrrtenttia/pseuds/amOrrtenttia). 



> So~ Someone made this awesome job translating this work from spanish (the orgininal) to rusian. As I understand, Sloan&Gabriella improved this work. Still so gratefull for it, dear. Thanks for take the time to do it. 
> 
> Rusian Version.[ Проклятая любовь](https://ficbook.net/readfic/7553488?fbclid=IwAR3z2Iu1dZjA32RQHezb-R2DEc_LZTIHkbVJoQRrTkX2kdv2ow5wOZtYm4Q) Translated by [Sloan&Gabriella](https://ficbook.net/authors/430470)
> 
> On the other hand, I translate on english with the pure wish that this go to more people who love this ship. Since I wrote it long ago I'm surprise that I still loving it as much as before. Hope you can enjoy it as well.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Cursed Love**

 

 

 

He is considered the best of them all. His calm personality allows him to face anything, no matter how dangerous it is, and emerge victorious no matter how difficult the situation may be. He has a pure heart, capable of always seeing for all even before himself.

Putting everyone before himself.

Is that the prototype one has of "  _good boy_  "?

A person like him, who possesses those same qualities as him… Perhaps that person is someone "  _good_ ”.

Because he himself can never be consider “good”.

He has a secret, a secret that he believes, has condemned him for life.

He may be right about that.

He is everything that can be desired in someone who will occupy such an important position as being the Shaman King. But he stopped seeing himself as the most apt for it. He can’t believe that he would be the right person for it.

Not anymore.

But, and you may ask by now, how do I know that?

How do I know so much about him? How **I** know _him_?

It’s simple to answer that.

I know him because he is mine.

It is because I was the one who turned him into everything he is now. It was I who, with my egoistic desire, divided my own soul in two without expecting that, at some point soon, I would end up falling in love with everything he became.

His soul is mine.

Everything he is, it’s me too.

Except that he isn’t me.

Because he is not like me at all.

I only divided the essence that makes us human into two equal pieces, and it was he himself who only received from me the mere existence, nothing more. His personality was born by itself, and his noble heart came to light when he noticed that the world where he was already had enough garbage on it.

The world needed a heart as pure as an innocence of a child, so he became just that.

For the world that I wanted to destroy, he created the soul that wanted to save them all.

Even when no one deserved it.

No one deserves him.

He is all the good that I never was and I never will be.

For better or worse, maybe I had something to do with it. Not that much, it’s not on my own hand who made him all but… The truth is… I wanted so bad that he became good for me. Hoping he was the purest being that stepped on the earth, doesn’t really matter if I prayed for him to be this way?

Would he ever forgive me for decided for him in that?

He will never know If it’s or not my fault.

Neither I will.

But the fact is that I dreamed with him being him.

The truth is that I prayed for him to save me.

Even now I continue to wonder how it is that I fell so low in daring to adore what I swore to despise in such a way. 

How did I dare to love what it was made to destroy me?

I always scoffed that the ideas of humans.  They were wrong on most of everything, but in the end, only one idea seems pretty accurate.

“Opposites attract.”

That’s what they say.

This time they are right.

He with his light was able to get me out of my own shadows. And I, in the darkness, could not help but calling him, and maybe, somehow, forcing him to keep me company. To return where he belonged.

To come back where he should have never leave.

 **_With me._ ** ****

He belongs _with me_.

He is mine.

I want him back.

I demand everything of him because of that.

That he existed only for me. 

That him breathe for me.

That he fights for me.

I want everything.

But most that anything else…

I only want that he lived with me.

_Like he always did._

The Shamans' tournament is still going on, although more than one opposes me participating, the Apaches know that it is the Great Spirits who have the last word.

By this point I stopped caring to win this absurd duel that was decided for sure even before we both came into existence. I stopped caring to become stronger, stopped caring that the world was sinking because of the human race, I stopped thinking that the Shamans would give way to a new generation ...

I stopped worrying about everyone, so that my attention was only for him.

As it always should have been.

I was unconscious about him because we were one, but now I’m sure.

But even though this is my desire, I still cannot accept this end for him.

I do not have enough courage to shout the truth and sink him with me. I would not be able to do something like that. Not to him.

He deserves a life without me.

Even if your place is by mi side, love, I could not ask you to give up this peaceful life for a torment with me. You deserve better than that.

You are the light, I’m the dark.

If I die, you will survive.

I can die peacefully with that in mind…

But even with those thoughts I continue here in front of the campfire that I have made in the middle of the desert, I continue to wait for you.  I continue to call you without having to name you, only wishing that, for once, this selfish desire is granted once more. Just one more time. I pray to the Gods for one last chance.

If I have to leave this word once more, I just wish I could have a night of the long life that I know awaits you.

I don’t deserve spend the rest of your life with you, Yoh. But the Great Spirits know that I deserve spend the rest of mine with you.

Will there be a sufficiently benevolent force to grant me that?

Tomorrow will be the day death reaches me, without him guessing, I already have my own plans.

I will not let the pleasure of dying in his hands escape from me.

If it is not him who ends me, I will not be so brave to accept it the end of our story.

Otherwise he will suffer.

Only then will he be able to forget everything, if he chose it, and to live without this secret that condemned him from the first moment.

What do you think right now, my brother, knowing that, with my death on your hands, your memory of my own being will fall into oblivion?

As if I had never existed.

You, more than anyone, deserve to forgot about me.

You don’t need me.

That’s why you have to be the one who kill me.

I have already heard his footsteps, and a half smile escapes my lips. Finally, the moment arrived. The moment that I have waited for, this short night will be enough for me.

For once, the Great Spirits have blessed me. For one night, and no more, you will be mine again.

A night that I will treasure in death, more that any life before of that.

This will be the only memory I want to have of this life, because being bad or not, we will all have a new one after leaving this world, each time.

Good or evil, we all reborn with a new life.

A new beginning, one where very few will have the right to remember something that has already happened.

He will live his first life as the last, because when he dies, I will be waiting for him to deny him a second chance. That's how it must be ... I must unite these souls again, because I do not plan to share him with anyone for any longer.

I’m sorry, my love, but I’m not strong enough to go through this again.

My egoistic desire is the one that will save us both, because if our soul continue separated, we will continue to be born as brothers, always separated at birth, and we will always meet again when it is too late to change our fate. And even if we manage to grow as a family, our parents will separate us by noticing that something is not as it should be ...

We belong to each other in a way that no one can understand.

But this is something that he will not know, because he will suffer too much when he finds out.

That in this world, no one understands us.

No one ever will.

When they find out that I love my brother, I will die on their hands.

 _“You are too evil”,_ that’s what they will say. _“He is to pure”._

_I will accept the blame for corrupted you, if in that way I can save you._

Right now his eyes have filled with tears, his gaze has been reflected in mine, and in this exact moment he was able to hear all my thoughts.

Between my own pain before the inevitable, I have dragged you back into the depths of despair that I cannot manifest outside of my mind.

I’m sorry for letting you be aware of that.

The sadness I can’t show on my face I can see it in yours.

This bond is stronger than any other. 

That's why you can hear me.

The bond that unite our souls it’s love.

What we both feel, wrong or not, is pure love.

That strange thing that you cannot name.

Is love.

But even if you were able to notice that I am reciprocated since you were born, I will not demand anything more than tonight with you ... You must accept it, you and I cannot be together in this life, probably we cannot be in the next if we got a chance, so you must keep the secret, Yoh.

This secret that turns you, in the eyes of all, into a garbage for the human race. They will not give a damn to know that the man you love feels the same way, they will despite you anyway. They will treat you even worse after knowing that man is your own brother... They will say it’s wrong. But rest assured that, even knowing this, they will applaud you when you become the one who ends up with my life here or in any other.

So please don’t say it at loud.

Don’t you dare to confess them ever.

I know you love me too.

You don’t need to say it.

Humans will always see the world in a twisted way.

That's why I decided it so easily. Tomorrow you will be the one who will finish with me. Tomorrow will be the best performance we have starred in, and, perhaps, in a few centuries, we will laugh at this.

Maybe we will...

Maybe one day we can be together outside of the same body.

Maybe one day we can be able to laugh in front of each other, to smile, or kiss. To love and to just be.

Maybe…

In a world where nobody is able to judge us for it.

Someday maybe we will be happy.

Return to real world now. This is not that life.

This is not our time.

Forgive me for having brought you to an existence where this was your destiny. To love, to be loved, and unable to be happy with who will continue to search for you eternally in his next lives.

If I can’t unite us, it’s for sure that I will find you every time.

My punishment is clear otherwise… When we are together again, even when I will be complete, with you, I will be missing you forever.

No one needs to tell me that.

My other half... Now that you sleep in my arms, I know I was not wrong.

It is you who must survive here.

Or in any life.

Yoh must live for both.

I could never live again if he is not existing too. Although it is far from me. Or without me at all. If I have to choose me or him…

I chose him.

I will always choose him.

He will never stop being a pure soul who loves his other half, who loves his opposite. And I will never stop being the darkness that gave way to the light of his heart, cultivating from the worst of our world only the purity for him. Just for him to become this.

This love reciprocated, but cursed, will always be Yoh's secret. And it will be his alone because it will cease to be mine when death overtakes me.

It is too late to repent and let go of the fear that prevented me from fighting for a life by his side here.

It's not our time. Not yet.

I have to convince myself of that.

He will continue to keep me in his mind until his own death, without forgetting me no matter how much he pretends to have done it. Because he loves me even more than I will love him in this life, but no more than I will show him in those who come ...

He is stronger than me, and will survive everything, because, after he dies, we can be together as one alone, as the only soul we always went.

Only then this love will be blessed until the end of days.

Just wait, brother. Someday we will be together again until the end of time.

Death is not capable of separating our paths. 

Together ...  Always united. That has been and will always be    _our true destiny_.

.

.

.

Rest well, my love, tomorrow, this life of mine ends.

.

.

.

The death come to me again, this time by your hands.

But don’t worry, Yoh… I will wait for you.

You don’t need to cry now.

Don’t let them know, don’t touch me now.

Don’t you dare to tell them about this cursed love.

Don’t you dare to tell about us.

You have to go. You have to leave me.

So you did it.

I felt it.

The way you say goodbye by letting go my hand.

The way you kissed me without touching my body.

You let me there, alone, in the same place you end with my life.

That was the right thing to do.

But why does it hurt this bad?

Maybe you knew that I suffer, because then the wind brings me your pray.

Your voice reached my soul, without lips, I smile.

This is what I needed. The only thing I was waiting.

 

_“Brother… I miss you already…”_

 

I know, dear.

Before you came…

Without knowing…

I always did…

 

.

.

.

 

Forgive me for being the one missing now.

.

.

.

.

 


End file.
